I Love Guys Without Balls! (and Lance Bass is totally straight)

– I thought of making a disclaimer that this is a non-male-bashin’ post but I decided not to. Take it however you want and please don’t make assumptions as to what evoked me to write this entry. –

“Akala ko iba ka. Akala ko ‘di ka tulad nila. Wala ka rin palang bayag. (I thought you were different. I thought you were not one of them. You, too, don’t have balls afterall.)”

I have long realized that one of the major reasons why I’m not too lucky with guys is because I think I have bigger balls than many of them. Sorry if this sounds cocky lolz. cock and balls in one paragraph ftw! but maybe, just maybe, it’s ‘coz I hang out with people my age, most of whom are still very insecured. I do not discount the fact, however, that (and I’ve been told this by A LLOOOTTT of people) I can be fierce and intimidating and look like I’m ready to slice off peens anytime.

But yeah, one of my pet peeves are guys without balls and I do mean that figuratively. I don’t discriminate against eunuchs and castrati, okay? I even made a list of the different kids of GWB’s (guys without balls) for mah ladies so they can stay away from ’em.

1. “I have no balls that’s why I can’t fight for you.”

So you’ve been dating this guy and things are going well between both of you and then all of a sudden, over dinner, he tells you that you should stop seeing each other. Whoah WTF. Where’d that come from? Like a total wuss that he is, he then apologizes and explains that his friends and family talked to him about you and gave their disapproval (because you’re Pinoy and he’s Chinese or he’s from an affluent family and you’re not or they learned about your past and his mom went berserk).

I’m not saying I’m the biggest fan of the “you and me against the world” kind of relationships but why go out in the first place with someone whom you know your family would disapprove of? Oh, right. ‘Coz you’re an idiot.

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18 Comments

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18 responses to “I Love Guys Without Balls! (and Lance Bass is totally straight)

  1. Coy

    I’m still deciding which GWB I am in the list. 😛

  2. 1. I have a friend who was recently dumped by her boyfriend. Nung first two months super suyo sya at super labas sila na my friend didn’t have time for me the n all of a sudden nakipagbreak si lalaki dahil sa kuwan na dahilan na sya mismo di nya maexplain but it has something to do with the family and friends din. Sana umpisa pa lang di ka na nanligaw kay girl kung in the first place alam mo na walang patutunguhan, diba?

    2. Bakit naalala ko yung movie na totoy mola haha wala lang lolz

    3. TORPE. TORPE. TORPE. Yan palagi naeencounter ko and the sad thing there is ang daming unanswered questions up to this day. Hindi ko din naman pa kayang ako ang umamin or mag-initiate kay torpe kasi dalagang pilipina naman ako LOL so ang ending? Wala. Friends forever and ever lang.

    4. I have a friend na ganito pinagdaanan. Mga lalaki talaga todo effort sa panliligaw pag sila na presko na masyado tapos kapag nahuli na may kalokohang ginagawa akala mo pa kung sino na kesyo walang planong sabihin or di naman talaga sila official. Hay grrrr #*@&$&!

    5. May kilala rin ako na super heartbroken dahil ganito ginawa nung ungas na ex nya. Kapag tinatanong naman why all of a sudden nagchange ng status, di na nagttext, di nagparamdam hindi naman sasagot. Leche. Ano ba naman ang isang usap lang na masinsinan diba? Labo.

    Ayun. Sorry Kring haha timely itong post na to haha

  3. funnysexy

    @ Coy
    Uhm, did you just admit you don’t have balls? 😛

    @ Micamyx
    … *speechless* I know, dear. TIMELY TALAGA.

  4. I hate to admit this, but I think I belong to the number 3 category… Sort of? Oh wait. Err, yeah.

    Most of the time, I’m shy around girls, especially the ones who are really good-looking, nice and sweet. Common sign of my shyness: I don’t talk that much face-to-face, cover my mouth with my hanky. If in a group, I don’t talk at all. If one-on-one, I stutter more. And I think you definitely know about that. 😛

    But sometimes, I step out of my comfort zone and “do the unthinkable”. Take my first LRT ride with my first Valentine date for example. The time my dear friend went down at Gil Puyat station, I followed her out then I hugged her from behind. In public. While other people are walking inside, outside and around the station.

    At that time, it didn’t matter for me what people would think. All that matters is that I followed what I feel like doing. And she told me online on that same night that it’s her first time a guy hugged her aside from her father and her little brother. She even told me that she can feel my hear beating louder and faster while I hugged her. But that’s all good! She smiled at me and what I did, and that’s great for me and her. 🙂

    But yeah, I’m still “torpe” no matter how many explanations I give. *cries* Or maybe I’m just “inconsistent”? What do you think?

  5. paolo.

    Booooo! I’m a 2/5 … wala akong bayag! 😀

  6. Rich Muhlach

    This is in no way to defend GWB#2 but something doesn’t quite add up. I can understand how the other “kinds” fit in with the bayag-less description because they relate to personal issues / attitude deficiencies / upbringing fail. But somehow, #2 leaves me a bit confused. Baka na-turn off yung guy or nag-selos or hindi na kaya maghintay – eh sobrang hurt kaya lumayo na lang. Or like how the forwarded text goes:

    “don’t be surprised if one day I avoid you and be gone… It’s not that you’ve done something wrong and I hate you but because I’m 2 afraid to love and be hurt again…”

    La lang…

    PS (pahabol sana): Is it good or bad when a girl says “Don’t raise your hopes up too much coz I like what we have now as friends” when you’re ‘relationship’ is like how it’s described in GWB#2? Sorry if I made you feel like you’re a dating advice column, haha!

  7. Badeyes McBlind

    Gee, all this talk about testicles sure made me hungry!

    I think I’m a 4. Maybe. Back in High School, at least. DON’T JUDGE ME! >:E

    It’s surprising how many times I’ve seen the Friendster Status-Dump thingie happen.

  8. funnysexy

    @ The Deranged Writer
    Wow, ala-Micamyx sa comment! 😛 Nah, I really think you’re torpe. That girl you hugged from behind just happens to be uber special… *winks* Although if that happened to me, I would’ve thrown a fit and beat you up or somethin’.

    @ Paolo
    Wow! Another guy who admitted he doesnt have balls! WHOOHOO!!!

    @ Rich Mulach
    Hmm… You seem affected ha! XD

    I think the crucial part of the paragraph is this:

    “You try to reach him for weeks but to no avail until it eventually dawns on you that he has dropped you like a hot potato as if nothing happened.”

    Sure, nag-selos… di makahintay. But really, I think the other party deserves an explanation, even if there’s no commitment yet. Ano ba namang sabihin mo yung rason, dba? You don’t just up and leave. That’s rude in my books.

    Yun lang. ^_^

    @ Badeyes McBlind

    You like eating testicles? 😛

    I think the friendster-dump thingy is just… not… awesome.

  9. Of course, I won’t do that to you. I don’t really use hugging as my frequent way of showing appreciation to someone dear, anyway. Siguro, honest yet sweet words or poking nagagawa ko sa girl nang madalas. Or simple acts of kindness, pwede narin yun. Funny thing is, I look like someone who doesn’t do all of those. Apathetic-looking much?

    And I am intimidated at you for a bit the first time we met personally… I think that “fear” grew now? Oh well, you’re YOU and I’m ME. I just hope that won’t hinder me from getting to more about you. 🙂

  10. ZOMG I just realized that I am a GWB magnet! rotflmao!!! and the very latest is the #s 2,4 and 5! >.<

  11. tinamaan yata ako.

    o siya, magpo-propose na nga ako ng kasal sa iyo.

    no?

    ktnxbye.

    LOL

  12. funnysexy

    @ The Deranged Writer
    LOLZ. Anubear… You make it sound ‘sif I’m Julia Roberts in Notting Hill. Haha. No, really. I’d like to believe I’m approachable, don’t you think?

    @ Hannah
    3 out of 5? THAT IS SAD. And you do know you deserve better, right?

    @ Bilycoy
    Where’s the ring?

  13. If a guy doesn’t do something even half decent to deserve your attention, don’t waste your time. Because, yes, he probably doesn’t have balls to begin with.

  14. Have had some bad experiences with GWB 1, 2, 3 and 4. PFT!

    *hugs*

  15. 4/5 zomg, is that why you’re asking all those questions at plurk?

  16. Lol. I think this is my first time to comment Kring, but I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now.

    Lemme share some experiences with these GWBs. =)

    1.) Just after you fell for him and you’re ready to go into a relationship with him, he fell out of love with you already daw. And when you asked for another chance, he told you that you weren’t worth the risk anymore.

    2.) He needed to leave because he had to study somewhere else. Your long distance relationship was going well. After all the promises he made and told you he’d fulfill them all when he gets back, he suddenly tells you that it’s not working anymore because presence really matters. And only to find out from a friend that he replaced you with someone far from him too.

    3.) He left you with out saying goodbye. Just like that, he left you hanging. Then after a few months, he came back and apologized then told you that it was all your fault because you didn’t give him a reason to hold on.

    4.) Everything was fine. Both of you were madly in love with each other (or maybe you thought). Then one fine day, he texted you and told you that he got his friend pregnant.

    See, they can be a bitch at some point, too.

  17. I’m a number 2. I think. I don’t know why but I probably sleep at the wrong bed.. I mean, the wrong side of the bed.

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