Broccoli of Dating

To celebrate Velentine’s Day, FunnySexy and The Noisy Man decided to do a collab and go all apeshit emo about love.It is based on Ade’s brilliant quote and just so you don’t get confused, the pink pragraphs are mine and his are blue. Totally gay, I know. Enjoy it, folks and even if it’s as long as my thesis paper!

Broccoli of Dating
by Kring Elenzano and Ade Magnaye
February 14, 2008 (c)

“We are the broccoli of dating. We’re good for people, they just don’t want us.”

I’ve been single for the past 22 years and I think I’ve somehow flaunted that fact like a tiara on my head. To me, NBSB = high standards. Not. In reality, I’ve cried a little too much thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’m not good enough. You see, guys only started asking me out last year. Hell, I had my first real kiss just before the 2007 elections and I have never received a love letter in my life. Not even anything that says “I crush you. Pautang naman ng pamasahe…” (I have a crush on you. Can I borrow fare money?)

I actually did that to someone. Y’see, I was broke way back in college and I needed money REAL badly. So I like looked for the ugliest fattest, richest girl I could find. So I wrote the mushiest love letter I could think of and then five paragraphs on I asked for a hundred bucks so I could afford to eat lunch. And then she probably fell in love with me then and there. Yeah, I got my lunch money but I spent the next three years of college with a fat girl hiding in the bushes everywhere I go. Also, it was scary- wait aren’t we writing about the Broccoli of Dating? Yeah, so I just got my 20th Valentine’s Day date rejection. And my fifth restraining order.

READ THE REST HERE.

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43 Comments

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43 responses to “Broccoli of Dating

  1. Pingback: An Epic Entry Involving Broccolis, Manboobs, DoTA, Dawson’s Creek, and Tom Cruise > Noisy, Noisy Man | Your daily dose of retard

  2. Pingback:   An Epic Entry Involving Broccolis, Manboobs, DoTA, Dawson’s Creek, and Tom Cruise by The Philippines According to Blogs

  3. This is a joke, right? It can’t be true.It just can’t.

  4. Ade

    What can’t be true?

  5. thegreatest

    Hey Ade, did I ever tell you I’m a boob man? I mean, whoever, whatever they’re on. Free later?

    Heh, seriously tho, Broccoli is green, and green is the color of money. What I’m saying is, uhm, if you were filthy rich, then, uhm, you wouldn’t have any problems getting dates, or prunes for that matter, except of course, one is a middle-eastern treat like Steel, and the other is, uhm, high in fiber, but yah, filthy rich, wait, where was I?

    Trying again:

    So Ade, srsly, and the Bim will agree with me on this one: You are doing something right. That’s just my observations. Whatever they are, I will put even money that if you ever figure it out and wrote a book about it, Bim will be first in line to download it illegally. Maybe Mikey too. And my 41-yr-old still-single uncle.

    Kring, not having had the pleasure of meeting you (I think, my memory suuuucks), here’s to hoping for that first guy (or girl…coz, you know, you never know, you know?) who borrows fare money from you via a lovestuck missive. May he/she pay his debts and kiss really well.

  6. Come on you guys! For one, Ade, man, you have cyber-stalkers getting your phone number from God-knows-where and you get fairly decent hits and you had it going on before with hot-chiq and people adore you (for whatever reason works). Kring, you are these things in one: gorgeous, spunky, sociable, confident, trendy, blah blah. I came up with several adjectives from only meeting you like once (not counting the firstand second times because they don’t count, period). Point is, you guys have your own markets so use your niche! Just be ready to accept it when the lovin’ pours because I can see that happening very very soon.

    Um, or is this a joke? Seriously? Tell me I did not just give you ego-boosts from something that’s fiction.

    Or, yeah, date each other!

  7. Yeah.. Date each other! πŸ˜€

  8. Yeah, date each other! πŸ˜›

    Okay, you don’t know me. I just have to say it. @_@ Nice choice of a veggie, btw.

  9. Kring and Ade Try Zen mixed with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs then add a bit of reality check and pepper it eros philia agape. It might do the trick πŸ™‚

  10. Coy

    Yeah, date each other. Go. 😐

  11. ^ walang panga yung smiley.

  12. Ade…Ade knows more Dawson’s Creek than I do 😦

  13. Coy

    Ok. That smiley does not exist yet. LOL.

    Me spams.

  14. You are not going out with anyone right now, Kring, right? Not even a torpe kind, right? If there is one then, Ade, find yourself someone else. Shoo! LULZ

  15. funnysexy

    @ Benj
    I can’t speak in behalf of Ade but everything I said and included here is true. Yeah, you can ask my “first kiss guy”. Or Dawson.

    @ thegreatest
    I like good kissers like totez. LOL.

    @ Fritz
    Kring, you are these things in one: gorgeous, spunky, sociable, confident, trendy, blah blah.
    Awww… you make my flast chest happy! ^___^ And don’t worry, I’m real. I can even tell you the details of my stories.

    @ Joni
    OMGWUT

    @ Mitch
    Somebody’s gonna get jealous… XD

    @ Juned
    Okay. I’ll pretend I understood that. πŸ˜‰

  16. Ok, got that. Ade, it’s official. Back off! XD

  17. funnysexy

    @ Coy
    OMG Carebear… Don’t be jealous!! \:D/

    @ Frits again…
    I’m not going out with anyone in particular right now. I mean, I’ve been going out with guys BUT I don’t have a “boyfriend” or anything…

  18. Since there’s nothing official yet, I play referee now. The race in ON people! Profess thine love nao or forevar hold yer peez, yo! (bilisan mo, kid. baka ka mahuli. No, not you Ade, cuz I now how cougar-fast you are LULZ)

  19. funnysexy

    @ Fritz for the 3rd time
    LOL. Just so people know, I like crustaceans. And hard drinks. ^_^

  20. Ade

    ^ Seeing how you went crazy over the shrimp-laden seafood pasta, I’m not surprised. =P

  21. Group date with cooked and uncooked invertebrates and processed/fermented alcohol. Yay!!!

  22. can’t imagine a girl like you being single.

    Anyway, I’m sure your fans wanna see a new vid so i tagged you.

  23. funnysexy

    @ Juned
    But I don’t come near alcohol!! I don’t drink!! OMGLOL.

    @ jaywalker
    On youtube? lemme check. πŸ˜€

  24. Shrimp cocktail then πŸ™‚ Fritz & Coy can drink the beer or the wine πŸ™‚

  25. (LOL. Im a slow this morning, I kept figuring out why the entry gets redirected here)
    Anyway, I can totally relate to everything you guys said, I dont know why.

  26. Paula

    First off, I love that you guys have named yourselves the “broccoli of dating”. I’ve never heard of it before and I shall quote it from now on.

    @kring – I say, keep waiting for a great guy to come along. I know, I know, you’ve waited long enough. However, you don’t want to just date the next guy that comes along, do you? Wait it out! There’s six billion+ humans in the world and around ninety million (last time I checked) in the Philippines.

    @ade – I say, stop giving advice to girls and giving them your shoulder to lean on. You have got to get out of that “Gay Best Friend Only Straight” mindset and get into the groove of “Eligible Friend or Lover” mode. And you can’t do both because a girl is either going to perceive you as one or the other.

    All in all, you both like your greens, so why not get together? πŸ™‚ lol Anyways, I liked this article for I saw bits and pieces of my own thoughts as a woman. Hopefully both you will find a broccoli eater soon. πŸ˜€

  27. Kring and Ade….why do I smell love is in the air whenever you two are together. πŸ˜›

    Now seriously, don’t you go sending some ninjas over to my place for saying this. Just think of it! LOL

  28. funnysexy

    @ Juned
    I can drink Cali Shandy LOL.

    @ Alohapenny
    I like the fact that you can relate even to what Ade said. Toldja, Ade! ^_^

    @ Paula
    Right. I totally should move to Japan now, I knew it. I’d find my koibito there. Thanks for dropping by!

    @Jhay
    Wait Wut. Somebody’s gonna get jelling!! πŸ˜‰

  29. kring you have no idea how much this article speaks to me right about now ;~; i’m always seen as the guy friend who happens to be a girl where guys go to to weasel to the girl they actually like, which most of the time turns out to be one of my best girlfriends. it’s annoying.

    randomly, WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO KL??? DD; we miss you.

  30. Rossi

    ok…I was rather confused reading thru this at first b/c I thought you develop a bipolar thing or something then it finally clicked that hey! there are two people writing. I guess all that college education did pay off after all.

    First, I must state that I have always been a brocoli girl. Never was a potato chip gal myself, love that green tho.

    Second, this is how I view relationship. It’s like a pair of Gucci Jeans. yeah, it’s nice to have but it doesn’t meant you have to be naked w/out one either. especially for a kick ass female like you.

    Third, with each additional entry, you totally make me want to stalk I meant meet you more, Kring. Why must you be so awesome?

  31. Pau

    Broccoli is rich in uric acid. Plus it’s hard to spell. So I don’t think you appeal to people with gout and arthritis who can’t spell good. Also, Ade is fatter than me.

  32. WTF?! Did you diss DotA? Anyway… cute post!

    And Ade, I’d date you… if I were single. Me thinks Me and Kring are one and same person… only I play DotA and my bf plays DotA.

  33. Ade

    Ria, you forgot the fact that you’re in Davao.

  34. Kringu-chan! You said that this is a short post @___________@;;

    You want a date ASAP? Try to contact a callboy XD Let’s have fun instead of going emo πŸ™‚ or you could try getting a major makeover? I don’t really know what advise to give you folks since I’m single too -_____-;;

    Why not date each other? XD Kring x Ade = LOL XD

  35. damn it, ade! i just hibernated and now you have a love life! err…YM me about this soon, k? miss you much!

  36. arc

    ftw this entry is.

    kring – it’d be safe to say that i’ve read just about every entry you have here. great entries. seriously. priceless videos too. this has got to be one of the most underrated blogs around. and so you know, if ever our paths cross, i’d really hit on you. but chances are you’d hit back – with a baseball bat. and a taser. on my nuts. /wrist

    ade – grow some balls and hit on kring. beauty and brains in a weird (weird as in quirky lovable weird) packaging is hard to come by these days.

  37. Ade

    @Patches: I have a love life? O_o

  38. kring, have to meet you…

    ade, well…i would have to agree on some comments πŸ˜‰

  39. funnysexy

    @ Lina
    Oh, dear… I’m not really sure when. It’s been almost two years, huh. And I miss you, too!

    @ Rossi
    WTF I MISSED YOU, WOMAN! ALSO, IM AWESOME BECAUSE I EAT TOO MUCH SHRIMP. IT’S GOOD FOR YOU, BELIEVE ME. *glompage*

    @ Pau
    So I don’t think you appeal to people with gout and arthritis who can’t spell good.
    Well, I’d say that should be a good thing.

    @ Riajose
    Come over to Manila then and date Ade! Should be fun!

    @ Shokizuki
    Uhm, I’m not THAT desperate, honey… NOT A CALLBOY NO. Also, I don’t want a date asap. I actually go out a lot.

    @ CHeska
    Ade has a lovelife? Wow! Oi Magnaye! Tell me about it!

    @ Arc
    Erm. Thanks. XD

    @Chris
    Have to meet me, huh? Please don’t be shocked if in real life you see me doing random cartwheels and such. LOL.

  40. jino

    MASARAP ANNG BROCcOLI!!!!

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