Why Japan Pwnz the World

I think it’s common knowledge among my peers that I am a Japanophile. Others may consider me an otaku (in its loose sense, maybe) but I swear, you could rummage through my stuff and you won’t find any hint of anime there. Okay fine, I got Love Hina but that’s Reya’s. And I have a stack of Japanese magazines, which I can’t, for the love of God read but I bought for the sole purpose of ogling anorexic, half-nekkid, androgynous boys! And sure, I have doramas, movies and whatnot and am currently listening to Salyu’s Tobenai Tsubasa but do these make me an otaku?

Anyway, people have asked me why I like the country. I’m not sure, really. Maybe I’m fascinated with the culture, with the people and maybe, just maybe, with their crack ‘coz we all know nothing beats Chepeneez crack. Hence, this entry and my little list.

1. The Utamaro Festival

Where else in the world can you find a GIANT PINK PENIS being paraded in the streets? Man, and I thought our Parada ng Lechon (Roasted Pork Parade) was winner enough. Forget subliminal phallic symbols, this is the real deal. The huge, erect manhood is in fact being carried around by transvestites and random candies in the shape of peens and bargynas are given away to the children. No shit. The festival apparently dates back to 200 years but I have forgotten what the hell it is for or even why the “statue” has to be pink. I want a miniature version though, as paper weight for my office desk. Anyone?




Filed under Japan

16 responses to “Why Japan Pwnz the World

  1. Rossi

    i actually have a lollipop in the shape of pink penis that my friend brought back for me from the festival during her time in japan. that there pretty much sum up what our friendship is like.

    i refuse to lick the candy and eat it. i now have lost track of said penis candy. am a little sad about that.

    human tetris= the awesome.

    Japan to me is one screwy country and i said that with some respect and a lot of confusion.

    ryo stripped for uchi! you need pics?

  2. Darla

    Ganguro girls freak me out, ever since I sw some old K8 tv show eps with them in it. I’m super excited though, because I am totally going to the super happy phallus festival when I am in Japan and getting my pic taken with a giant penis. I’m also really looking forward the the game shows. And my 15 year old cousin also loves hard gay. Thinks he’s funny as hell. Oh, and I wish you could come to Philadelphia some time because there is a store there called Condom Kingdom, which is like going to the phallus festival. My friend and I bought a gift of macaroni and cheese with penis shaped noodles for one of friends when we were therea few days ago. And their mascot is a cute little cartoon sperm. 🙂

  3. nerie

    OMG, Kring. awesome.


    Yes, HG is so disturbing, he looks so cool. I love their game shows. But hopefully, local Tv won’t try to adapt it. Though I don’t think MTRCB will actually allow it anyway. 😀

  4. I always wondered if Razor Ramon was the wrestler that I grew up watching in the US. Does anyone know what he looked like before he was Hard Gay? Please enlighten me.

    For real, when is the penis festival? I want to go while I’m in Japan. XD

  5. funnysexy

    @ Rossi

    What a waste. If you didn’t lick and eat it, you should’ve just uhhh… taken a picture with it and pwn everyone with the awesome. I saw some pics (well, more like 2) at the kanjani8 comm but if you have more then YES! i want. FANCAM ME WANT!!!

    @ Darla

    Oh gawd, I know what you’re talking about! I saw them on some mag/show before I even got into Japan and have always thought it was a social problem or sth. Wow, Condom Kingdom. I’ve always been fascinated with weird-shaped condoms coz really, how the hell do you “work” with that?

    @ Nerie

    BUT NOOOOO!! If no one will adopt it on national TV, I will ! Hehehe. I have a few comments about MTRCB, which I would just keep to myself as I’m afraid it may backlash, yanno…

    @ Luna

    No, dear. HG kinda copied razor ramon’s name but he hasn’t been sued or anything. Isn’t RR white coz HG’s Jap?

    I’m not entirely sure but I want to know, too!! FTW!

  6. RJ


    I bought a few of those Pink Penor Candies and gave them to my female friends back in high school.

    I lose more dates that way..

    PS. I linked ya, my mates will have a hoot reading this stuff.

  7. funnysexy

    @ Ade

    Penis it is, indeed. WORSHIP. NOW.

    @ RJ

    That’s so nice of you! Thanks! And thanks, too for dropping by my blog. Yanno, wut? I’d link you, too! Coz I may nopt be a fan of comics but the word orgasm makes me all giddy inside. ^_^

  8. RJ

    Thanks! Comics and Orgasms are the two greatest things in the world after all.

  9. Ade

    Must… look… away… from… peni– wait, is that dick PINK?! LOLZ WHAT A GHEY!!11

  10. uy kring!

    heheh hard gay, gotta love him FFUUUUUUUU!!!!!

    ey i wasn’t able to text you last saturday at the MOA yoshinoya jap thingy, you should have seen me in that white and blue summer kimono (yukata)

    the gigantic pink “tool” looks disturbing ~_~

  11. funnysexy

    @ Kirby

    Believe me, we were there… But things turned out weird and we ended up not watching the fashion show. Uhm, yeah. But we saw the kids’ dansu dansu!!! \:D/

    It does. But that’s why it’s Japanese. 😛

  12. I asked my dad…because he was a wrestler and he gave me the information. RR, aka, Scott Hall is actually not the same. He has darker skin and is HUGE. My dad told me height and weight. Yeah. WTF, not even close. Oh, and Scott Hall is almost 50. D:

    I’ve been educated.

  13. funnysexy

    @ Jaywalker

    HE IS!!

    @ Jessiluna

    O_o Not only is your dad “the fireman” (yups, I remember that), he was a wrestler, too. And I believe this Scott Hall person speaks English…

  14. Yep! My dad, er, got around. Scott Hall does speak English. I never really thought it through I just realized that they had the same name. ~.~()

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